Could this be the face of ADHD?
Last year after a month or so into the 5th grade I had a parent-teacher conference with Sam's teacher. She told me what a smart and intelligent kid he is, how he always participates in class discussions, and what a delight he was to teach. I could tell she really liked Sam and meant what she said. But then she started listing the things that we had heard time and time again from his teachers...since preschool. He has a hard time sitting still and he doesn't do his work independently, he talks endlessly, and he forgets to finish assignments, or forgets to put his name on assignments, or even forgets to turn them in. He is often disruptive.
With every new school year more accountability is required and with that the more Sam struggled. He's such a smart kid, so why wasn't he doing well in school?
Things at home were following the same trend. He had a hard time finishing his chores without getting distracted, he was impulsive, and he was overly emotional. I often wondered in a Dr. Phil sort of way, "what on earth is his 'pay-off' for this behavior?" I couldn't figure it out. Aaron and I always tried to make the consequences for bad behavior as natural and logical as possible, and made sure "negative attention" from us wasn't the "pay-off". But no matter what we did the behavior continued.
After some discussion, Sam's teacher carefully suggested that Sam might have ADHD. I was a taken aback. At one time I had thought he had ADHD, but that was when he was a rambunctious 2 year old that spoke excessively in the third person, and who literally bounced off the walls. But since then ADHD hadn't ever crossed my mind. To me a child with ADHD was wild and uncontrollable, misbehaving and impulsive...someone that no one could control. THAT wasn't my Sam.
I went home and started researching everything I could about ADHD. The more I read the more I saw Sam in the descriptions, and the more I understood for the first time past behaviors that always baffled me. ADHD has so many different looks, but they always have symptoms of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsiveness. They don't need to fit all the symptoms, but must fit a certain amount in each category to be considered ADHD. The very next week I went to the school to help in Kaeli's class and afterward I spied through Sam's classroom window and watched him. There he stood behind his desk leaning over to do his work while all the other kids sat doing theirs. He fidgeted, paced, and spoke to the kids next to him. Overall he looked so much more active than the others in his class. This was all during a time that was obviously meant for working quietly and independently. I was scared and confused about what I was realizing.
I sought advice from my friend who has sons with ADHD and she suggested I make an appointment with their pediatrician who is a behavioral/attention specialist in Provo. So I did. Sam and I went to Provo and with us I had surveys filled out by Aaron and I, and by his teacher, rating Sam's behavior in all three categories.
The doctor spoke to me privately and then spent a considerable amount of time with Sam. He went over the surveys and concluded that Sam definitely had ADHD. He wrote up a prescription and we were to return in a month with new surveys filled out assessing his behavior while on the medication.
During our first month we saw a big change in Sam. He was doing better in school, remembered to turn in assignments, and his usual emotional responses that always seemed disproportionate to what he was reacting to was nonexistent. And most of all his self-esteem was so much better! That was the best part. He liked who he was and he was confident.
My need for knowledge switched gears and I started researching the effects of the medication. I didn't like the idea of Sam being on medication. Especially when it affected his appetite and sleeping. A boy who is almost 11 years old, but the size of an average 8 year old, needs food and needs sleep! I had never been more conflicted! He was doing fabulous now, but only because of a medication, a medication that may not be healthy in the long run.
When we returned to the doctor I asked him about a more holistic approach or herbs that we could consider. The doctor told me that there was nothing else out there that would work because ADHD was a bio-chemical issue in the brain and there weren't any herbs that could change bio-chemical responses in the brain. Nothing else was FDA approved.
I decided I needed a second opinion. So I made an appointment with our regular pediatrician, who I already liked and trusted. I also borrowed several books from the library, one was about self-coaching and coping with ADHD without medication. And of course Aaron and I have discussed every aspect of ADHD to death, but more importantly we have prayed for guidance.
We have a plan now. And I'm sure it will change as more knowledge comes and as Sam develops and matures. But for now we have a plan that we feel good about.
I've waited several months before telling anyone (other than parents) because I wanted to be sure I knew what I knew, because something like this doesn't come without opposition and opinions from all different angles and directions. And now I'm OK with receiving it. I'm OK with it because I know that Aaron and I were meant to be Sam's parents and that makes us the best experts out there on what to do for our son. And we won't make these decisions without thorough study and prayer.
So is Sam the face of ADHD? Not really. There are so many wonderful things that define Sam, but ADHD won't ever define him. And it won't be an excuse for him either. His path may be a little rougher than someone without ADHD but in the long run we hope it'll be something he can learn to cope with, adapt to, and navigate without the help of medication. Maybe in the future it won't be anything at all to him, but a mere bump in his past that he overcame.
